He Left the Guitar, But It Never Left Him

Frederick Heuser left the guitar for many years, but it never left his soul. "Guitar Man" by Mary Sheehan Winn.

I am a recovering musician who has spent much of my adult life in denial – denying that the need for music in my life is so deeply ingrained in my soul and in my personality.

I first showed an interest in music – the guitar – when I was about two years of age. My parents still have the pictures to prove it! When I started formally studying music eight years later, I “took” to music like a fish takes to water. I practiced daily without every being told (my 85-year-old mother reminds of this constantly) and by the time I was 13, I was playing music in places I was not old enough to be in. I stayed with music through college, teaching and playing professionally on nights and weekends.

When I was about 24, I dropped out of music for the first, but not the last time. With a college degree in hand, I decided that I had enough of the musician’s life and sought more stability and more income. For the next twenty years, I rarely picked up my guitar. My children seldom, if ever, heard me play while they were growing up.

About my mid forties, shortly after my father passed away, I had a strong urge to resume playing and I did for the next two years. But life had a way a infringing upon whatever time I had set aside for music…my day job, kids in college, a mortgage, etc. And for a second time, I put my guitar aside and did not really play for almost eight years.

When I was 55, my wife and I were on vacation and I heard a wonderful guitarist whose music truly moved me. From the moment I listened to him, a quiet voice came into my head that said very simply, but affirmatively, “You have to play again. You need to play again.”

It was at that point that I realized that something vital was missing from my life. I realized that, perhaps for the first time in my life, I needed music to be a complete person. It was core to who I am as an individual.

When I returned from vacation two weeks later, I picked up my guitar. Within two weeks, the callouses had returned to my left hand, my ear began to hear things I had never heard before…and I have not looked back. Later, I connected with other musicians my age, whose stories were almost identical to mine. We were all recovering musicians – trying to recover that which had been so essential to us in our earlier years and was still essential in our later years.

About a year ago, I contemplated returing to a formal study of music – in my case, jazz guitar. I had always been drawn to jazz, even during the 1960s when most of my contemporary guitar player friends were playing classic rock.

I wrestled with the idea for awhile, wondering whether or not I was too old to learn anything new or to relearn things I first studied forty years ago. As luck or providence would have it, I stumbled across a wonderful jazz guitar teacher from a very unexpected and unplanned source. The story of how I found this mentor musician is an intriguing tale in itself.

The decision to formally study music at age 60 was one of the best of my life – for it engaged me on many different levels – physically, intellectually and spritually. Music feeds my soul and spirit in a way that nothing else has in my life.

Next year, I will be 62. I have no aspirations of being a jazz performer. I simply want to learn my craft for the sheer pleasure it offers. My teacher talks about something he calls your/my “guitar life” – the time that you share with your instrument to develop whatever talent you may have at whatever level. I wish that it had not taken me so long to realize what I was missing in my life without my guitar. I am convinced that those of us who choose to develop whatever musical gifts we may have live a richer and more fulfilling life because of that decision.

I now have a grandson who is two years old. He is already displaying an interest in music – the guitar! You can be certain that I will encourage him to incorporate music in his life at whatever level and instrument he so chooses. Hopefully, the lessons learned in my life will benefit his as well.

And equally as important, I hope that my experience encourages someone else to learn or return to music.

Frederick Heuser, PhD,
Collingswood, New Jersey